my cousin just said to me “on your wedding day,i’m gonna start my toast with the story of how you were born and grandma cried because you were so ugly”
I want to sit with someone at 3 am and talk. Like really talk. I want you to tell me what keeps you up at night, that dream you keep having, what certain songs make you feel like, what you think happens after death. Talk to me about your family and your dreams.
how do i tell my parents that i want alcohol instead of sweets for christmas
jeez i would love to order that thing online, but i don’t know what size to order it in because women’s clothing sizes are determined by the alignments of the planets in relation to the fuck you galaxy
you dont like the word breast??? ok we’re having chicken boobs for dinner